Time :   9min 50s

Director:  Diahnna Nicole Baxter

Programme Day/Date : Friday 29th November 2019 from 7pm

Language/ Subtitles:  English

Country : USA

Social Media : 

Instagram: @diahnnanicole

Synopsis : 

A Daughter prone to depression, learns a family secret and struggles to survive its trauma. When she turns to her Mother for consolation she realises how this poisonous pattern has been carried down through generations.

(From Queens World Film Festival)
"...I am a ruthless storyteller with a compassionate heart. The stories I choose to tell revolve around women who have survived deep trauma or succumbed to it, leaving behind a legacy for us to take heed from. I like to punch people in the gut and rip open their hearts. I want people to question those dark parts of themselves, their inherent bias. I do this not for shock value, but to provide an opportunity for us collectively as humans be-ing, to redeem ourselves, to see ourselves in each other, shed some shame and hopefully, forgive. I believe trauma can be an opportunity for transformation, and as an emerging director I hope to continue to collaborate with fellow creatives who give themselves in service to these stories that many are too afraid to touch..." Director, Diahnna Nicole Baxter


Now, read the poem from the film:

She’s back again. That bitch that wants to kill me.
I thought I had held her enough
Fed her enough
Assured her enough
But no
She’s back again. That bitch that wants to kill me, and this time it’s all out
WAR.
Because this time I am different.
I’ve been showing up for me
I have found my wings and I am on the edge unafraid to jump
I have pruned my consciousness, rewrote my nightmares into memories of lessons chosen
And forgiven myself
Over and over
For offering my vessel so carelessly to those who just wanted to see how many times it took to
drop me until I cracked
She’s back again, that bitch that wants to kill me
She always finds her way in through my broken heart, the groove in it deep as it has gotten used to the same blow
This time it’s my Uncle who is the predator of the year.
My favorite uncle, the one who consoled me about my own battles with alcohol
Soothed the shame from memories of no memories only to wake up with broken teeth and busted lips and sore hips
The Uncle who we all considered the coolest, the spiritual, the deepest, the most understanding.
Yeah, that Uncle
Raped his daughter in law, his son’s wife, who has only known this taking from men, the likes of her father and brother since age 5
His first and only son’s wife
His son
My cousin
Who has never quite recovered from the lives he took at 15 landing him in the system to do his time for killing his kind
And I can’t fix this
She’s back again that bitch that wants to kill me
And in times like this I smile, welcoming her, her rage
RAGE
I want to kill him and everyone of him that came before.
Takers.
The betrayal, the lie.
And I run to his sister
My mother
To console and be consoled
And
She’s back again, that bitch that wants to kill me
And she dances on my heart as my mother chooses her brother to protect because it’s more important to be loved by the boy and besides
He’s just a man
Shit happens
And the little girl in me cries because it’s the same loop
I thought it was them who I wanted to hurt but its her because she has chosen them over Us
Everytime
The boyfriend, the brother, the late night snack, the predator
She cannot fathom being abandoned by the approval of a man’s smile
And this time I can’t be ok for her
I can’t fix this
Or her
Or us
She’s back again, that bitch that wants to kill me.
And it’s me
And my mother
And her mother
And her mother
And her mother
Who raise their daughters but love their boys
Thier stories
Their choices
Their abandonment
Their survival
Their pain
Their shame
Their betrayal
Showing up in black eyes, black outs, weeks of not getting out of bed,
Undeserving penetration
Exploitation
Isolation
A cycle of little girls silenced
A cycle of little girls silenced
A cycle of little girls silenced
Sh e’s back again, that bitch that wants to kill me...
But this time I choose Me.